The point of this post is that it’s a post, not the big gaping hole of nothing that has settled in to my blog, moleskine and writerly area of my personality.
Since my last post, I got that promotion I wrote about in a previous entry. I am now officially a “marketing coordinator.” Raise, rolling chair and all. Also my girlfriend has been kicking butt in law school and now, as I type, she is flying back home to visit for the summer. So I have a healthier paycheck and a wonderful companion within driving distance to spend it on. Heck, I’ve even had the chance to work out on a regular basis, so my sleep schedule and golf game have been reaping the benefits. Essentially, life has been good to me lately in the very conventional sense.
It’s kind of a drag.
Now I am not going to complain about personal progress and comfort (aside from the previous sentence, of course). I am blessed to have the time and resources to do what I do. I know too many post-college grads struggling to even get to my level of “success,” whatever that word means, for me to shun or shuck or shit upon what I have in front of me.
All I’m trying to remind myself of is that I once had other aspirations besides financial and social success. These passions defined me, in fact. I was once convinced they were my future. Now here I sit, slacking off at a job I worked so hard to attain, typing up a whiny blog entry about my lack of motivation to write.
By the way. That’s what this is. Sorry if you’re now disillusioned about the content of this entry.
My point is that just because I have filled my day with viable, constructive activities, there is no excuse for me to neglect a skill and talent I worked so hard to improve and have always put an immense amount of pride in. If I really cared about it. If it really is who I am. If it’s what my contribution to the world will be, as I so want it to be, I will write. Now.
Well, this week at least. The longer I spend on this blog entry, the closer I get to being caught slacking. As hard as I am on myself for my lack of writing, I should very much keep this job of mine.
So here is my vow (to myself more than to you, by the way). I will post a short story by Friday. I will post another by next week Friday. And by the end of May, I will have the proposition for a novel I’d like to write. The short stories may turn out awful, and the proposition may never make it past an outline, but I will feel better about myself just to have done something for the first time in a long time.
If I don’t keep this vow, maybe I should rethink about my desire to write. To do that involves completely re-evaluating myself, however, and I’ve done too much of that the past 26 years to want to do again for a long time.